Today’s topic is Indian newspapers.

I have been diligently reading the daily paper so that I will be able to maintain my end of scintillating conversation at local cocktail parties.

Here are some typical items, quoted for your enjoyment of quaint phrasing:

“A whopping 56,658 teachers will be filled in the State shortly…Of this, 14,000 are School Assistant posts…and 2,000 other category teachers such as pundits.”

On a bit about a search for a student who made an internet death threat:

“Ajith (19), a B.Sc. Computer Science student at a prominent private college in Chethala, is absconding.”

A temple opening:

“In addition to the usual poojas, such as Ganapati homam, usha pooja, utcha pooja, special poojas such as padi pooja and udayasthamana pooja and ‘neyyabhishekam’ will be performed…”

I read with great interest the account of a man who was riding in a car and had an accident with a vehicle carrying construction materials. The passenger was speared through the chest by a pole, narrowly missing his heart – he was conscious and talking as they loaded him on the stretcher. Imagine my surprise to find a full color spread of photos of not only his rescue, but also his surgery (which I perused thoroughly).

Finally these two:
-They have found a way to make an invisibility cloak for human beings.
-A man on a Canadian bus decapitated his seatmate (a stranger to him) and then proceeded to eat his body.

It must be a very slow news day for the Deccan Times. Or a reporter from The Star or the National Enquirer has infiltrated its ranks.